I don’t have good dreams. Almost all of my dreams consist of one main element: I am trying to do something mundane like get to class, or leave a building, but I cannot seem to do it no matter how hard I try. I spend the whole dream (nightmare) walking through some invisible force that… Continue reading Burnout
Category: Autism
Quarantine Diaries
Day 13 Incessant stress headaches. I attempted to hydrate and avoid Advil, but quickly gave in again. It’s too loud to let a headache linger. Meltdowns abound. During the second meltdown, I decided that I needed to let out some of my anger too. I kicked the floor with my feet and banged the ottoman.… Continue reading Quarantine Diaries
Our 1st Disney Trip
It's been hard being back to reality, so I’ll stay in Disney World a little longer through my memories. My main hope in sharing about our trip is that our experience will be helpful to special needs families planning their first Disney trip, and also because I will surely forget the lessons we learned for… Continue reading Our 1st Disney Trip
what I want you to know
I don’t often share the details of our daily lives. There are many reasons for it, the first is that I seriously doubt anyone wants to hear them. It’s too much, too hard, and too constant for people in our lives to hear about regularly. No one knows what to say, and I understand that.… Continue reading what I want you to know
our autism journey: 8 lessons
Here are 8 hard fought lessons from our 2nd year in this journey. If you have a child with autism or love someone with autism, I hope you find this helpful. You have more power than you realize when it comes to advocating for your child. If something feels wrong, it probably is. If you’re… Continue reading our autism journey: 8 lessons
a year in review: 1st grade
As is my new yearly tradition, it’s time to reflect on Caleb’s 2nd year of school since Pre-K, which is also right around the 2nd anniversary of his autism diagnosis. Writing is a way of expressing myself, of reflecting and remembering and processing. Raising a child with autism is traumatic, folks. Almost every day is… Continue reading a year in review: 1st grade
I love you, Mommy
“You should be a teacher, Mommy,” Caleb tells me last night. “Why’s that, bud?” “You have good behavior. You yell sometimes, but you mostly have good behavior. You are nice to me. You left your job to have more time with me. I love you, Mommy.” “I love you, too buddy. More than you know.”… Continue reading I love you, Mommy
I hate you, Mommy
“He has autism,” I say. These words are so limp and useless. They are inadequate and meaningless. The yawning gap between those 3 words and our reality is so hard to describe. I want to be understood, but the truth is, I barely understand it myself. My guess is that you have something like that,… Continue reading I hate you, Mommy
Acceptance
I couldn't share this picture until now. It was Caleb's first day of Kindergarten, a day we were not celebrating because of how painful it was. I was desperately worried about Caleb, being pushed into this situation a month after being in another classroom with his close friends, to being in a classroom twice the size and not… Continue reading Acceptance
How do you know?
How do we know Caleb has autism? Well, as you saw in my last post, it was not a simple process for us because Caleb is very high functioning. His challenges are often unnoticeable... until they aren't. It's been harder to understand him because he has so many times where he can "perform" or behave like a… Continue reading How do you know?
our messy joyful life 